Today in My Shoes . . . The Dilemma of an Epileptic Mystic
For more than 20 years now I have been on a path of self inquiry, a path to discover the truth of who and what I really am. In that journey I have discovered many ancient and sacred teachings, and within those teachings, the hidden truths I have sought out.
Along the way I have been blessed with powerful and profound spiritual & mystical experiences. Some of them “more common,” and some of them the kind you read about in books. Many would say, myself included, that I am a modern day mystic. A seeker of the spirit, drawn to discover what hides behind the veil of our physical reality, and then to share it with others.
You may be wondering what this all has to do with epilepsy? The particular kind of epilepsy I have is known as Temporal Lobe Epilepsy. Aside from the potential of “regular” seizures, and full on scary dropping and flopping type seizure, Temporal Lobe Epileptics can experience what are known as “Psychic Seizures.” Pretty wild right? An official medical term, that uses the word psychic? That’s another discussion on its own. Needles to say, these Psychic Seizures can include things such as intense and detailed deja vu, visions of the future, awareness of smells or sounds that may not be present, even mystical experiences such as the feeling of being in the presence of “God” or other non-physical presences.
For a doctor, I can understand how these things may seem completely abnormal. For a mystic, however, they are sign posts along the path. Therein lies the dilemma. Because a so-called psychic experience may appear to “look like” a seizure on technology such as an EEG, does that mean it isn’t real? For me, that’s the easy part to answer. I know the truth of my experiences, and that is all I need. The real problem lies in where I go from here.
Why? because Anti Epileptic Drugs are designed to “slow down” the very parts of the brain where these mystical experiences occur. And so, what does the mystic do? The meds prevent the big scary seizures, but they prevent the psychic ones as well. I have felt it too. Since the day I woke up in the hospital, there has been a tremendous sense of disconnection for me. I am reconnecting, slowly but surely, but I can certainly feel the difference.
What’s more than that, in my research on Temporal Lobe Epilepsy, I have found that throughout history this condition was often know as “The Sacred Disease,” because of those mystical and psychic experiences. I also happened to find some pretty incredible characters through history that are known to have had, or theorized to have had Temporal Lobe Epilepsy. I am not putting myself in the same category as them by any means, but knowing what they accomplished, most without medication, makes me wonder further about my aforementioned dilemma. Here are some of my favorites, just for fun:
- Joan of Arc, Ezekial, Ramakrishna, Ramana Maharshi, Krishnamurti, Lewis Carroll, Vincent Van Gogh, Edgar Allan Poe, Fyodor Dostoyevsky Charles Dickens, and even one of the original mystics Socrates himself.
If I lived in a different time, I may have been thought cursed by the devil, or blessed by God. Today, I am just given pills to take.
At the end of the day, I know Truth when I see, feel, touch, taste, smell, or hear it, no matter what an EEG or an “expert” tells me. I will continue to seek, to find again what I once found. I know my Spirit is far more powerful than my brain, and any epileptic drugs that my be in it. I am a mystic. Always have been. Always will be. I thank you for walking with me on this journey. And now, I say get ready, because soon, we are all going to fly . . .
About the Author
Adam is an author, transformational speaker, and stress management coach. His powerful yet approachable and easy-to-understand wisdom have the potential to make a powerful shift in your life. Combining ancient wisdom and modern science, he helps his clients achieve their personal and professional goals, free from stress and worry. My journey has taught me some powerful, profound, and incredible things. Walk with me, and I'll teach them to you too.