Welcome to My . . .Shoes?
There is a lot that wants to come out right now, but if it did, this blog would look something like this: imf em feokjm ajhiiso cfha cke ammd i cant rajela nne,iveal oa f te stff that ha s been ahaoeo f ot me tjkaette.
So, since that is no fun for anyone, let’s begin a little more simply. At the beginning. Well, the beginning of this blog anyway. Aaaaaand . . . . wouldn’t you know it, my medication alarm just went off. I’ll explain more about that in a moment. Be right back.
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As it happens those meds are one of the reasons I am writing this blog. It’s the night of March 1st, 2016. I’m asleep in bed until, without warning, I rise up in bed, sitting with arms outstretched, eyes wides open, groaning like I am possessed. Moments later I fall over, violently jerking, coughing blood. Totally unaware of all of it.
My wife, who was watching this all happen, calls 911, trying to stay calm while her husband is possessed? Dying? Who knows what?
After what must have felt like forever, the ambulance arrives and the paramedics get to work. This is where my first, extremely vague memory comes in. I have no visual memory of the experience, but I can remember what it felt like, in my body, and in my mind. I remember the feeling of my body being restricted, unable to move, tied down(I later found out that the paramedics did have to strap me into a stretcher to get me down the stairs and into the ambulance. Turns out I wasn’t very cooperative in my semi-conscious state, so they did have to restrain me.)Strangely enough my mind felt very much the same way.(I was also given meds to calm me down due to my less than cooperative state.) I can remember looking out the side door of the ambulance, seeing my wife telling me everything was ok.
Next thing I remember, I am in the ER. I am looking up at my wife. I feel as if I was raising my hand to ask her something, and then my mind went blank. I couldn’t think if anything. Not a thing. And then, it happened again.
I wake up. I don’t know if it has been minutes, hours, days? I don’t remember if I am in the ER, or in a hospital room now. It doesn’t matter. I know something is wrong. Very wrong. I went to sleep in my own bed. I woke up in the hospital. I needed to know what happened?
Seizures. Two of them. Grand Mal. Tonic Clonic. Call it what you want to call it. The strange groaning sound I had made? -All of the air being squeezed out of my lungs.
The coughing of blood? -I bit my tongue when I was seizing.
The doctor’s said I was lucky. Had I been up and about, instead of lying down sleeping, who knows what would have happened.
Regardless. I was in the hospital for 3 days. Scan after scan, test after test. Normal. Normal. Normal. It was good news, and it was frustrating too. What on earth was going on? Some time later the diagnosis was made. Epilepsy. Temporal Lobe Epilepsy to be precise. Up until then Epilepsy was something I had only read about and seen on CNN specials. It didn’t seem real. In a lot of ways it still doesn’t. It has been a little over 6 months since that night, and everything has changed. I didn’t quite realize it then, but it will never be the same. In some ways I am an entirely new person now. I have to learn how everything works in my new body. It’s not just the Epilepsy I have to learn to live with, but the medications, lifestyle changes, and ripple effects as well.
Ripple effects? I am a husband, a father, a son, a brother, a friend, and so much more. Epilepsy may be only effecting my body, but it effects all of these peoples lives as well.
There is so much more to say, but this blog is getting long as is. So, why this blog? Why now? Someone I love dearly told me to write it. She said that with all of my experiences in life, I should share what I know. The good, the bad, and what happens in between too. She reminded me of the saying, “In order to really know someone, walk a mile in their shoes.” She said that with everything I had been through in my life, perhaps my ‘shoes” were worth sharing. I realized that she was right.
I’ve been through a whole lot. I am older than my years. I don’t know everything, and I am far from enlightened. The one thing I do know is that everything I share, will be shared from my heart. That won’t resonate for all of you, and that’s ok. Some of you will benefit from my words and my wisdom, and some of you wont. If nothing else, this blog will be a part of my healing process, and so in some way, by reading this you are a part of my healing as well.
For that, I thank you in advance.
After all, it’s not just 6 months of dealing with Epilepsy I’ve got to share with you, although I can tell you that’s more than enough. As it happens, I was born with an extremely rare genetic disease(completely unrelated to Epilepsy) and was given only 6 years to live. . .Fortunately that expiration date was wrong, but that’s a story for another blog.
About the Author
Adam is an author, transformational speaker, and stress management coach. His powerful yet approachable and easy-to-understand wisdom have the potential to make a powerful shift in your life. Combining ancient wisdom and modern science, he helps his clients achieve their personal and professional goals, free from stress and worry. My journey has taught me some powerful, profound, and incredible things. Walk with me, and I'll teach them to you too.